Down in the dumpz

Ok, so now i'm definitely feeling like the epitome of an epic failure. I am so depressed right now. I am a member of this website. And the people on there really exacerbate how pathetic my life is if that makes any sense. Like, the really make me realize how much i've missed out on life and how sad my shit is.

All of these men talking about how much they love themselves and how great everything is going for them...they have all of these friends be it online or in real life...they have traveled the world...they have all of these fancy jobs and shit. And what do I have??? I am some 25 year old, broke, unemployed fagg that nobody wants. I haven't traveled anywhere since 2002. I mean, I went to Atlantic City and the Pennsylvania Dutch Country for a day back in 2007...but that wasn't shit.

Those people really make me realize how sad my life is. All of the things I never got to experience. I feel so cheated in life. There are so many things I won't ever get to experience. And even if I do, it won't be the same like experiencing them in your youth. I feel so rejected and neglected. Just an unwanted mess. And I've finally come to terms about how much I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. From my looks to my voice to my physical features. I'm just so unhappy. I'm really thinking that death is the only option. To put me out of my misery. I just tried to call my insurance to find out about finding a therapist. I need drugs and bad. I was on hold for over 20 minutes. I finally hung up. That damned recording was driving me fucking crazy. Damn, if I was on the absolute verge of suicide I would have been fucked. Thats corporate America for you. Always on hold and shit. Nobody gives a damn until its too late.

I wish I knew why everyone hated me. Why I am so unwanted. Right now the only people hitting me up want sex. And that's it. And then they will move on to bigger and better. They tell me they find me attractive. It doesn't mean shit to me. In the end its just words to get in my pants. To use me. Well, I'm a slut anyway so I guess it doesn't matter. I should be treated like a whore. That's all i'm worth. And not even worth that much. I don't attract anyone i'd ideally be attracted to. Just a bunch of riff-raff.

Well, I'm going to go grab a bite to eat. Just needed to rant.