Screw a Valentine's Day!!

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. Just been too preoccupied with other things. But, here I am. I am so down in the dumps tonight that I just felt then need to write my mind.

Well, as you can already tell, my beef today is with Valentine's Day. It's life, god damn ... every time I turn around there is some holiday or event that basically throws what I don't have, right in my god damn face! If it isn't enjoying that magical kiss with your lover on New Years Day at midnight ... then its friggin Valentine's Day ... or Thanksgiving or freaking Christmas! It's like, damn! I already know i'm lonely and desperate. I don't need to see everyone else enjoying what I don't have and I certainly don't need it thrown in my face.

Sorry if I sound like a grinch. But forgive me. I have been longing for a serious relationship since was 16 belive it or not. It's 9 years later and the closest thing to a relationship i've been to is this thing with some queen I met back in high school that lasted for all but a month or so. I had another so-called "boyfriend" that I wasted three months on and I only saw him a whopping THREE times and TWO of those times were forced or circumstantial encounters. The third time we weren't even involved anymore.

It's so difficult being in the gay lifestyle. That's why it kills me when people have the sheer audacity to say that being gay is a choice. The fuck it is!! Like I would choose to be lonely and miserable if I could have a traditional, proper lifestyle. Being gay is no tea party with the Queen. It's tiring and arduous. Gays are only about TWO things: sex and money. I can't even begin to convey how scary it is to come to terms with the fact that there's a very strong chance I might be alone for the rest of my life. It's beyond fathoming. I don't want to be some old ass person and falling in love. I want to enjoy love while i'm young. And it's so unfair that i'm not afforded that opportunity because gay muthafuckas aren't interested in that. They are only interested in being with every man humanly possible. I don't want to die alone and miserable with 15 cats. But, the way things appear to be, that's exactly what will end up happening.

I saw my beautiful cousin today at the mall. She was with her much less flattering friend. And both of them are out on a date right now with their boyfriends, being wooed and loved up. And here I am, grown ass man, alone and by myself in someone else's basement on the verge of tears...yet again. Life is so fucking unfair. But its okay...i'm only going to put up with but so much more of this bullshit. And then i'm taking shit into my own hands and putting an end to this miserable existence of mine. I will not and refuse to suffer forever.